Wish
by Carelle
Summary: Based on Tomoyo's POV. An introspection of what is there to be of her and Eriol's relationship.


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**_STANDARD DISCLAIMERS:_** I don't own CardCaptor Sakura. CLAMP owns them. All hail CLAMP!

AN: Okay, let's get this done, this an angst fic, featuring of course Eriol and Tomoyo. Well, technically, its only Tomoyo that's in this fic. Confused? You'll get the hang of it as you read on. So, what are waiting for? Read!

**_WISH_**

I stand along the coast, watching the dithering sunlight kiss the water goodbye and finally fade away into the patina of the ocean's azure shade. I feel the wind around me as it threatened to put me back down the ground. 

I gave out a deep and steady breath, feeling the freshness of the air as it filled my lungs. This is the life. This is heaven. Bliss. 

I remember you as I saunter along. The wind blowing my dark tendrils, making it seem buoyant to the air. I remember you as I feel the calmness filling the void inside me. I know you're not mine. You're somebody else's. 

But still, I can clearly remember the times when I watch you with ardor in secret. Loved you in secret. I know it would be downright impossible to say that you can be mine and I can be yours. 

For the reason you loved someone. Someone that I knew very well is not me. Can never be me.

~Flashback~

"Take care Eriol-kun, Mizuki-sensei!" Sakura bade them farewell as the couple's flight was announced.

"Now, take care of Sakura-san, cute descendant."

Eriol only received a growl and a muffled 'don't get your ass into trouble' as a goodbye.

There I remained silent. Holding back my tears. Careful not to expose my feelings, I gave out a perfect smile. A put-up mask. A façade.

"Do take care, Hiiragizawa-kun, Mizuki-sensei." 

"Of course Daidouji-san. Now, I think we should get going." Mizuki smiled.

"Wait, Kaho." Eriol spoke.

I stood there fazed by his intent stare.

With a quick hug and a 'take care, I'll miss your company.' Eriol left me.

I wanted to curse myself.

Let my tears out. Scream. If not only for the dignity I hold, I would have done so.

I hated myself.

For falling in love at the wrong time.

And at the wrong person.

With Hiiragizawa Eriol.

~End Flashback~

            "Me and my goddamn feelings." I whispered sarcastically.

I finally give into the wind. Slowly I fall back, vaguely feeling the soft thud as I fall on the sand. I watched as the ocean reflected the heavens above me--a lackluster mantle sprinkled randomly with hoary specks along its vast space. 

I closed my eyes, pretending to be contented to where I am now.

Even now with my eyes closed I still see your face, lingering with mystery and that hidden joy. I want to hold out and touch your face, but I can't. 

This is just a dream-a delusion caused by the pain that sears my soul into numbness. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to remember. To think of you for so often have been a guilty pleasure of mine, knowing that it would kill me to reminisce the past. 

I bite my lip pondering, lost in thoughts and feelings, imagining the blue of your eyes. The blue that only you possess. The darker shade of your hair making great contrast to the paleness of your skin. 

Those features, pure and vivid in my mind like the whisper that comes with your smile.--fleeting and unforgettable yet never for me.

Then I opened my eyes as painful reality sinks in. 

The water has made its way to me, engulfing me in its own blanket, and somehow, I find that strangely comforting to every pain and sorrow I feel inside.

And I ask myself why I even bother, when you're there and I am here, and in between us lay a gap of uncertain chances bridged by nothing except the thought of you and the fear to let go.

I want to reach for you, to feel you and hear your heart beat for me…but I know that it couldn't happen.

You have gone. Far, far away, way beyond my reach. Unable to bring you back to my touch.

I just can't say goodbye to all the feelings I have inside for you, and much more to you. You have been a big part of me, and letting go of my feelings is not that easy. 

But, you left; you left with the one who captured your heart. Leaving me all alone. Alone with only my delusions to support my frail soul. 

I can't bring you back. 

I want to be free. To be on my own, to take hold of reality, to save myself from drowning in these lucid illusions, without your face filling my mind. 

I need to break free from all the chains binding me to the feelings I have for you. Because somehow, those feelings hinder me from being with other people. Hindering me to move on.

And so I'm saying goodbye to every little thing that happened. I know that it is time for me to let go. But until now, half of me, still wish for you.

What do you say? Would you be so kind enough to give that little button there labeled 'Send a review' a click? And be so benign to type a few words expressing comments? 

Aw, cmon! Review!

Bye!

*Cerise grabs her notebook and starts studying for her freaking Geometry long test the next day*


End file.
